Chapter 25 - Letting Go Of Everything

So after writing up too many diseases and lectures I finally decided to take a break and write a fanfic! Before it's like near midnight and I just end up falling asleep on the laptop :P.

The picture is the black & white of chapter 2 of the prequel. Chapter 2 talked about her dreams, this one symbolises the shattering of all of them. 

The song used in this one is one of my favourites, it's "Breathe Again" By Sara Bareilles, do listen to it if you already haven't.

It'll be a short chapter but the next one where it returns to the actual FF will also be attached ;).



~ Maybe it's sad that these are now memories. And maybe it's not - The Perks of Being A Wallflower ~


Arnav scrunched his eyes open, his head was heavy and he shook it slightly, trying to get away from the dull throbbing at the back of his head. He attempted to move his arm to bring to his head when he felt something weigh it down, someone against his chest, the slow movements of a chest, light breaths, soft flesh. His eyes snapped open suddenly, a shiver ran down his spine and he thought his world had suddenly collapsed. He lay there for a few seconds, unable to comprehend it all just yet; it was Khushi, snuggled into him, her naked body against his. He moved away from her, quickly removing his arm from around her waist, what was going on? And that's when the images came to him, one by one, he scrunched his eyes shut. Remnants of glass on the floor, the drip of his blood, "ARNAV!" Her voice, his pleas. He sat up suddenly, "No no no!" He mumbled to himself. He could feel his breathing quicken, his chest almost heave for air, he looked to her from the side, what had he done? What was he doing? 

"I love you too Arnav. Arnav please stop this," her voice again, he couldn't get it out of his head, her tears, how she had held him. Their wedding flashed through his mind suddenly, how she had agreed, how it had all transpired, her silence, how she seemed to take his every blow her way without a word. He crumpled the sheets in his hands unable to take the weight of it all. Quickly getting out of bed he walked away from her, from what now he was beginning to understand, from the biggest mistake of his life. 

----

She fluttered her eyelashes, a slow yawn escaping her as she finally opened her eyes, a tiny smile spreading over her lips. She kept her eyes closed, the events of the night before playing back through her mind. 
"I'm so sorry Khushi." 

"Please make me stop loving you Khushi," she couldn't stop the smile on her face, he loved her, all was not lost, she would be able to win him over and she would. She decided, in fact she was adamant that she would make him see the truth, she would bring it forward one way or the other. Khushi slowly opened her eyes, the streaks of sunshine piercing through the french doors falling onto her face but the next second her face dropped. He wasn't there, the sheets on his side were still crumpled, his warmth still lingering, but he wasn't there. She sat up on the bed suddenly, her eyes searching for him, they'd reached another turning point in their lives the night before and she now needed to talk to him. So where was he?

She felt her breath hitch in her throat, her eyes widened as her gaze finally fell on him. His chocolate brown eyes had darkened, the stubble more prominent, his jaw set, a distance to his gaze, his shoulders slack. Her gaze moved lower, to his hand that gripped a handle to a bag and she felt her heart stop and stutter. His words came to her almost as if from a distance,

"I've packed the stuff that I could find," he spoke with his gaze away from her, trained on a plant in the poolside. He couldn't face her, for more reasons than one, his grip tightened on the suitcase, he scrunched his eyes shut for a moment, gaining the strength he needed to say what he wanted to. "I'll be working late today, I hope you'll have left by the time I get back," he stated calmly, placing the bag on the floor. 

She felt as if she could not move suddenly. She had thought things were finally going well, that they might talk things through, work something out. But she had been wrong? He had packed her bag? Was asking her to leave? She felt tears pool on the brim of her eyes then slowly trail down her cheeks as she tried to make sense of the situation. He saw it two, the tiny drops of dew, he averted his gaze, controlling the desire within him to just cuddle her to him, wipe her tears and kiss her worries away, but he couldn't. Too many things stopped him from doing that, from a tiny gesture that could have changed the course of their lives forever and stopped the unraveling of the events that would then follow. But he didn't and with that one decision he would eventually find out that he had written the fates of three people. He walked away, his footsteps hurried as he escaped, fled from her, from the truth, from his mistakes because he was too much of a coward to face them, too much of a coward to face her. So he left, leaving Khushi behind, her expression still frozen, her breathing slow, her heart rate rapid as she processed his words, as they repeated over and over again on her mind. "I hope you'll have left by the time I get back." Why was life being so cruel to her?

She finally wiped her cheek, her hands harsh on her soft skin, a steeliness taking over the souls of her eyes as her shoulders straightened, her hands fisted. It was finally time to move on, she couldn't fix things, she would never be able to make him understand and so she would leave, like he had asked her to and she would never come back. She would forget him, move on like she had always intended to. 

Car is parked, bags are packed, but what kind of heart doesn't look back
At the comfortable glow from the porch, the one I will still call yours?
All those words came undone and now I'm not the only one
Facing the ghosts that decide if the fire inside still burns

She held the suitcase he had packed in her hand, tears streaking down her cheeks, dropping onto her top. She turned back one more time, letting her eyes travel over his house, where too many things had happened, where she had lost him. And yet she yearned to go back, to make things work one last time, but she knew it was a lost cause. They didn't have anything anymore; every time she got her hopes up, they just came crashing down, so she stifled her expectations, her dreams and climbed into the taxi, her mind already set. 

All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe
Holds my love in his hands, still I'm searching for something
Out of breath, I am left hoping someday I'll breathe again
I'll breathe again

She remembered his touch, his warm breath on her face. 

"Don't get too happy. I haven't been stalking you."

"Because I obviously sparkle in the sunlight too."

His banter, the conversations they'd shared all coming back to her. She let the tears streak down her cheeks in torrents, her hazel orbs swimming in their own little puddle. She watched the raindrops as they slid down the glass, slowly blurring the view out. She couldn't stop the thoughts from hitting her one by one, their first kiss, the taste of raindrops mingling with his taste. Their very first meeting; all those years ago at the airport and then when she saw him again; a different man, yet the same in all aspects that she'd known him. And then them again, in the rain, like the very first time as the drizzle had made way for sunshine, his love for her, his desires, how he had always had that way of cheering her up. And then what had happened, Shyam, his misunderstanding, their marriage, his grip tight on her wrist. She felt she was going to break down pretty soon but she held herself, she had to be strong. He'd been blinded by his own anger, his own misunderstanding and he'd ruined her, he'd left her with no one, not even her own heart. 

Open up next to you and my secrets become your truth
And the distance between that was sheltering me comes in full view
Hang my head, break my heart built from all I have torn about
And my burden to bear is a love I can't carry anymore

But she'd move on, she'd build her life from scratch again, because what else could she do. She needed him, he'd ignited that spark of hope within her the night before then blown it out again. She felt her heart shudder than shatter into a dozen tiny pieces, today she would leave a life, a love that she would never see again. 

All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe
Holds my love in his hands, still I'm searching for something

Out of breath, I am left hoping someday I'll breathe again

****

He watched from the glass window, the hustle and bustle down below mirroring every thought that was passing through his mind. His fingers tightened on the glass in his hand and he scrunched his eyes shut for a moment, letting her eyes, her tears, her quivering lips flash through his mind. The helplessness in her face, all of the times that he had hurt her. He threw the glass onto the floor, letting it shatter into pieces, letting the golden liquid in it flow out onto the carpet. 

I love you too Arnav. Please just stop this. Just stop this please.

Her gentle plea, the genuineness in her voice and he knew that she had not betrayed him that he had been wrong, that he was wrong. But he couldn't face her, he couldn't let her back in his life anymore, he was a monster. He had hurt the only person that he had dared to love, he hadn't trusted her, hadn't let her explain her side of the story. He grabbed a paper weight from the table and flung it against the wall, letting it shatter too, letting it break into pieces and clatter down to the floor. He didn't have the courage to talk to her and if he was being honest with himself he knew he couldn't know that she had been right all along, he didn't have that strength in him. 

It hurts to be here
I only wanted love from you
It hurts to be here
What am I gonna do?

He had only wanted simple love in his life and when it had finally come his way he had destroyed it with his own bare hands. He fell into his seat, bringing his hands to his face, this would be his punishment, he would live with the guilt of all that he had inflicted on her alone for the rest of his life. 

****

She walked in silence to the little room that she had managed to find, her fingers shaky on the keys that the landlord had given her as she struggled to put it into the opening, her tears still blurring her view. Tonight she would forget everything, kill the Khushi Kumari Gupta Singh Raizada she was and build within her a new Khushi Kumari Gupta, one that would be devoid of a past. 

All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe
Holds my love in his hands, still I'm searching 
All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe
Hold my love in his hands, still I'm searching for something
Out of breathe, I am left hoping someday I'll breathe again
I'll breathe again
I'll breathe again
I'll breathe again...

~
It had been raining that day from morning to night - the kind of soft, monotonous, misty rain that often falls at that time of year, washing away bit by bit the memories of summer burned into the earth. Coursing down the gutters, all those memories flowed into the sewers and rivers, to be carried to the deep, dark ocean." 
- Haruki Murakami, The Elephant Vanishes
~



~End of Prequel~



No no not the end of the actual FF ;). Story if continued in the "When Truth Prevails" Blog.
Link to Chapter 5 (or 29 ;)): Chapter 5 (or 29) - Memories of a Teardrop

Chapter 24 - Drowning



Oh dear god! What a long chapter! :O And I had said shorter chapters in the last update 0:S. Eeks! Well hope you like it anyway. And sorry that it got a bit too long, I guess I got a teeny bit carried away :S.
This chapter was actually influenced by the song that will be placed near the end of the chapter, “Stay” by Sara Bareilles. Do listen to it if you haven’t already.

Khushi sat on the edge of Arnav’s recliner, trying to think of yet another way of getting Arnav to listen to her. A month had passed since they had gotten married and ever since she hadn’t seen so much as a glimpse of Shyam. She had no idea where he was and in a sense she actually wanted him back in Shantivan, at least maybe that way she would be able to sort out this mess. And on the other hand Arnav never seemed to be around; he’d immerse himself in work to such an extent that he now only came home late at night. Even during the weekends he would make sure to not be around much and it pained her, it pained her to know that he wouldn’t even allow her that one opportunity to explain herself, it hurt to know that their relationship held no importance in his life that he didn’t even think her worthy of being given a chance to be heard. She found it difficult to digest that he was able to display such raw hatred towards her.

“Khushi ji?” She snapped out of her thoughts suddenly as Anjali entered the room, “Khushiji isn’t Chottey home yet?” She questioned glancing around the room.

“N... No di,” she mumbled, standing up and walking up towards her.

“Oh,” Anjali began to think things through. She had found a whole deal out so far and her investigations were still going strong. But she wouldn’t let anyone know, no not yet, she would keep this quiet for now for her unborn child’s sake and until she obtained more evidence. At least she didn’t have to see his face any longer. But for now what was important was bringing Arnav and Khushi together, she knew her brother thought she did not have so much as an inkling of what was going on, but she did and that was exactly why it was important that she bring them together, for their relationship deserved to be stronger than this.

“What happened di? Is something wrong?” Khushi finally asked, feeling slightly uneasy at seeing Anjali’s face that appeared to be lost in thought. What if it was some other issue that Shyam had decided to create? Her heart beat quickened as that thought entered her mind.

“No nothing Khushiji,” she smiled off quickly, “it’s just there’s a party tonight and you and Arnav both need to attend.” She reassured as relief washed over Khushi, then fear gripped her once more. How could she refuse? Or how would Anjali di take his refusal, would Khushi be able to take his rejection again? She felt like a battered soul as if the whole world was on a rampage with her sodden heart, aiming arrows at it left right and centre and he stood in the middle of it all. The man that she loved the most in this world, would forsake anything and everything for, stood in the centre of the army out to get her, with a large trident that he would ram through her heart, over and over and over again. She gulped loudly, as her palms became sweaty; such situations always left her fumbling for words.

Anjali immediately caught onto the trepidation in Khushi, how her eyes darkened and her face fell and if she hadn’t been such a soft person she would have surely dragged Arnav in and slapped him senseless for what he was doing. But her brother had never been one for such lessons, in fact then he would begin to defy her too, see her as yet another bad guy in his carefully formed misunderstanding. She would have to tread lightly, with the both of them and that was one of the reasons she had planned for them to attend tonight too, maybe if they were forced to spend time with each other, her brother would mend his ways, for she knew he was not a bad man. No her brother had never been more than a hard shell, refusing to let anyone in. And in this case it was quite clearly evident that he only acted in such a manner with Khushi because of his unyielding love for her, it had been clear in the way he had protected her in front of Lavanya, what felt like months ago, and then how he had gotten married to her, possibly unconsciously so that he could make sure she would never be the property of another. Her heart bled for him, thinking of how he had never taken his own share of happiness, how it had always been given away on a golden platter to her; he’d simply sat back and smiled at the fact that she was happy. And now that her relationships, her life was under threat, once again he had sacrificed himself. Had Khushi really been in ties with Shyam and had she not also been an innocent in this vicious game then had her brother not written over his life to pain and destruction in the name of her happiness? Yes he had, and she knew he would do it over and over again for no matter what the world saw, his soul was pure, innocent and although the facade stayed on, she knew him for what he truly was, a sincere human being with a golden heart. And the world had treaded upon it, time and time again, but whilst he had saved her, he hadn’t been able to save himself. But now she saw a glimpse of sunshine, a ray of hope and she wouldn’t let that good for nothing little piece of shit take away what was truly her little brothers, she wouldn’t let Shyam take away Arnav’s last chance at happiness.

“Khushiji I’ll send you up a new sari, be ready. I’ll tell Arnav to pick you up before he goes,” Anjali said softly, taking Khushi’s hand and smiling.

****

He cursed under his breath as he yanked the car door open then slammed it shut behind him. Not opening the door to her side or even waiting for her for that matter. He cursed himself for having to put up with her, for having to see her face every night and know that she belonged in body and soul to someone else. He welcomed the mind-numbing pain that engulfed him these days on knowing that the dreams he had weaved, for years on end had come shattering down in that one moment, when he had seen her in the arms of another, asking to break the life of the one person he held most dear, the only person that was left in this lonely life of his. He welcomed the pain because he could escape it no longer, he had sealed his fate, with a woman that did not love him, and with a life he had written away so many years ago. And yet every time she would do something new, attempt to break through his walls, crumble down his resolve. He gritted his teeth in anger, his nostrils flaring, his jaw set, his caramel orbs blazing with fury as he heard her click the door open and slowly step out, her anklets tinkling with every tiny movement of her feet. He refused to look at her, at the angelic beauty that she held, clad in a red sari with tiny crystals studded on the edges he would not be able to look away from her, he knew his heart would fall for her yet again, so he kept his gaze away as she finally walked over and stood next to him. He felt his temper flare through him then, possessing every muscle of his being and he had to take deep breaths in and out, clench his fists and let his nails dig into his skin as he struggled for control, to stop himself from grabbing her neck right there and strangling her for playing such vile games with his wretched heart.

He grasped her hand in his as he led her through crowds of people, all elegantly dressed; belonging to a world she too had belonged to years ago. She couldn’t help the slight twinkle of happiness that passed through her as she felt her hand in his, it happened every time and no matter what he did she still yearned for that closeness, for what they had had all those years ago. She ached for one night, one night like the one they had had before she had decided to leave him forever, for priorities that were larger, to let him live his own life in peace. Just one night and then maybe she could leave. Pack-up and just run somewhere far away.

****

Shyam watched in the distance, that creepy, slanted snarl adorning his face. Arnav Singh Raizada thought he was so smart, obtaining a restraining order against him, increasing the security so that not so much as an ant could enter Shantivan but he didn’t know Shyam yet. Tonight he would attack again, he just needed one more hit, a stronger one, Arnav seemed to be almost too capable of the rest. And Khushi would leave Arnav, come back to him, realise what she had given up. And he would be waiting, the muscles in his face twitched as he watched Arnav take the drink that he had carefully placed on the tray.

****

But Shyam had been so fickle, his every plan failing one by one; he hadn’t needed to spike Arnav’s drink. Arnav had already ordered for his SUV to be picked up and a car with a driver sent instead. Tonight in the midst of a crowd of women dressed in elegant gowns, men in tux’s all laughing and chatting, hiding their own cursed personal lives behind golden glasses of scotch, he too would do the same. He placed the glass of champagne he had lifted back on the tray and grabbed a glass of Scotch instead. He had reached his limit, he wasn’t able to take it anymore, things were getting worse, no solutions were coming to him and her silence, her quiet games threatened to throw him over the edge, into an abyss of his own fury where he knew he would drown, dragging her down with him. And the next morning when he would inevitably wake up, he would have to live through every moment of what he had inflicted upon her, every tiny little wound he had created and drown in his own pool of misery. He felt like a burning man, constantly surrounded by a flaring fire, her fire, as he burned in the pits of it. And now he finally understood what helplessness felt like, it wasn’t what he had felt all those years ago when his mother had killed herself, nor was it what he had felt when Khushi had first left him, no it was what he was going through now. Every ounce of violence he inflicted upon her, hurt him in equal amounts, maybe even in higher degrees. Every rash word of his, cut through his own soul, gashing it in wounds that would never heal. He could not help himself from loving her, from feeling bound to her in some sense or the other and therefore he couldn’t dare see her go away from him and yet having her in front of him hurt him all the more, for he knew she would never love him back. So this was what helplessness felt like, having the one thing you desire so close yet so far away, having her within arm’s length and not being able to touch her tenderly, feeling his own heart beat towards her and not feeling hers back. So there it was Arnav Singh Raizada who had worked all these years to see his sister happy, had somewhere along the lines lost his own happiness and now he was reduced to a mere hard shell, a lonely, helpless hard shell.

Khushi watched in horror as he downed one glass after another of amber liquid, his eyes slightly glazed over, and the twitch of his muscles as he gulped the liquid down in a flurry, his steely grip on the glass enough to shatter it apart. She pounced forward suddenly, unable to watch him any longer, for she knew if this continued it would not go down well and she would yet again be on the broken end of it all. She grabbed onto his arm, her fingers grazing over his pronounced biceps and felt him freeze. She took a small step back as his dark orbs, the colour of rust bore into hers, anger flaring out of his every pore. She moved away completely, knowing that look all too well as he took a step towards her but what he did next shocked her and she felt her heart gallop through her chest as he saw the muscles on his face loosen, his pupils lighten back to that beautiful shade of caramel. She watched in shock, her hazel eyes wide in confusion as he gently took her hand into his, and then began to stride away from the crowd, towards the door, pulling her along with him.

Saturday, empty room, filled with people
It don’t mean a thing to
You and I, holding hands
Nobody knows, nobody understands
I don’t care for sunlight
That only means it’s over
And I’m in no mood for that

She watched in silence, not quite sure what she should be feeling, following him in a sort of trance as he led her into their room and closed the doors behind him. A shudder ran up her body as he turned around and took a step towards her, gulping away her fears she took a step back, retreating away from him but the next instance her eyes widened again in shock again as he suddenly turned away from her, his eyes distant then stalked off towards a cabinet in the far corner of his room. She felt her body go almost weak with shock, the events of the day coming to her in frenzy, all mixed up, incomprehensible. She let herself fall onto the bed and bunched herself up on her side, wanting now to just fall into deep sleep before things really took a turn for the worse.

She lay there with her eyes closed, she must have been lying there for at least an hour now and she spent her time doing what she did best every night, when sleep took too long to come to her and her mind refused to travel to the boundaries of what was happening in her life right now. She looked back on the good moments of her life, to a time when she had felt that she could solve every problem in her life.  But then her father had fallen ill and she had left Arnav, and possibly all of her joys behind, from then on she had fixed herself in her carefully formed box, working only till the edges of it, then retreating back and to this day she didn’t have a proper answer to why she had left him, though if she pondered into it deeply it was possibly guilt. The guilt of weaving her dreams and fantasies with Arnav when the man that had taken an orphan in; her father had met with an accident, lost everything in his life. It was that guilt that had kept her away, binding her to a lifetime of debt for loosing herself to passion whilst her father had been fighting between life and death. And that in turn had led her to the guilt she felt now, as by trying to do so she had denied another of a love that had been offered, in equal quantities, every ounce of it her way. His love, his promises she had ignored and a month ago when he had held her in his arms she had known that she had wronged him, for he had continued to love her for all those years. But now it was no longer her fault, now it was his blind rage, his inability to think things through that was ruining everything. She stopped herself there, dwelling into it more would land her in that dark abyss that she constantly ran away from once more, so she traced her mind back yet again to happier times, a slight smile playing across her face as she remembered his gentle smile, when the next minute she froze hearing glass shatter against wall.

She sat up instantly, her eyes widening in surprise as her jaw dropped open, her heart bleeding out at the sight that beheld her and for a minute she felt her heart had stopped before she gathered herself together and hurried off of the bed.

Arnav could feel the world swaying around him; he was drowning in his own misery, his own pain, his own guilt. He was drunk, mind-numbingly drunk, to an extent he had only allowed himself to go once before. He felt himself stagger, the world around him swing out of control, everything coming through to him in blurry specks of light. He let the images flash through him, seer through his soul because now it didn’t hurt as much; it was like they were hitting off of a wall of foam. They came to him one buy one as he stood near the large French doors, his Scotch still in hand. First his mother, her kind face, her kind brown eyes as she cupped his face in hers, promises to protect him forever, the gentle warmth of her lap and then her body, lifeless, how he had struggled, how he had failed, how he had been too late. Always too late damn it! And then Khushi, Khushi! Her beautiful round face, her silken skin, her full pink lips, those large dove hazel eyes, her tinkling laugh, her annoyed glares, how he had fallen head over heels for her, without even knowing a reason and then how she had played him. Her in the embrace of another man, his own brother-in-law began to replay over and over again as his hand tightened around his glass. He’d spent so many years wishing she would come back, would have took out his heart and laid it in front of her if he could but she had decided to trample over it, rip it to shreds and throw it to the ground in front of his very eyes. And yet he could not help himself but feel that he should punish himself for every little mistake he made, for every time he lost his control he wanted to punish himself. Why couldn’t he hate her damn it?!

The rage overtook him then; his every muscle began to shake, as his caramel brown eyes blazed with uncontrollable fury. He tightened his grip around the glass and sent it flying at the adjacent wall, watched as it shattered to pieces, the amber liquid, spilling down the cream vanilla walls. And he let the tears finally spill down his face, in torrents, all the tears that he had held inside for too long. He leaned against the thick glass then and let himself slowly slide down, to the ground, letting every wave of pain hit him and engulf him completely, letting the full effect of the alcohol take over him as he slid to the ground.  He picked up a shard of glass and clenched his hand around it­, let it pierce into his skin, hurt him as he had hurt her, let the blood drip.

Khushi ran towards him then, “Arnav? ARNAV?!” She screamed, “Arnav!” She shook him as he lay there against the glass, tears streaking his face. She felt tears brim up in her own eyes; she could bare his hatred but not this pain, not his tears. She began to wipe at his face as he lay, his eyes too distant, “Arnav Arnav please don’t cry. Arnav please,” she begged, her voice breaking with her own tears as they trailed down her face. He placed his hand over hers then, streaking her skin with his own blood and took it away from his face, sending his fingers through hers, brought it nearer to himself as he turned to look into her pools of hazel.

“Khushi,” he whispered finally, his voice hoarse with tears, “Khushi, I’m so sorry,” he mumbled, “I’m so sorry Khushi.”

“No Arnav, please, please it’s okay, shhh, shhh,” she hushed him as she frantically wiped away at the tears that continued to flow down his face.

“Khushi,” he gulped, not breaking eye contact, “please bring me out of my misery Khushi, please stop this pain,” he begged, pulling her closer towards him, his hot breath, drenched in a stench of alcohol, on her face, “please make me stop loving you Khushi,” he whispered and she felt her heart almost give way. She stared back at him for a few seconds, not quite able to comprehend what he was trying to say. He still loved her, despite all of his misunderstandings and all the hurt he sent her way, he still loved her? She stilled suddenly as he came closer, his face only inches away from hers and she instinctively moved back, scared that he would lash out and hurt her and as he continued to move closer, she scrunched her eyes shut, waiting for the pain, but nothing of the sort happened and shock overtook her being once more as his arms moved around her waist, huddling her closer to him. She felt herself being drawn to his warmth, finally back to his protection as he snuggled his head into the crook of her neck, his warm breath against her skin, the shuddering of his body against hers making her heart almost break as tears racked through him and her with equal force.

“I love you too Arnav, please just stop this. Just stop this please,” she whispered into his hair as she hugged him closer to herself.

Stay tonight
Don’t come morning, don’t come light
They may be lies, say it, say that we’ll be alright
If we stay tonight

My hands are shaking
This is a complicated love with me
Keep your eyes closed, I’ve seen it baby
I’ve seen where this goes.

He moved her back then gently, letting his hands slide down her arms, then moving them up ran his fingers through her hair, his eyes lighter, gentle, pools of melted chocolate, glazed over as he moved her closer, till their lips were almost touching, letting them linger on what felt like soft petals then took them in completely. Khushi felt herself let go of everything, choosing only to revel in the moment that had appeared, almost out of nowhere, where his lips were now moving against hers, his fingers rustling through her hair, as those fingers that up till now she had winced away from, now gently trailed through waves of her hair, and she felt her own hands move up his arms of their own accord as she moved in closer to him, letting his tongue slip in, tasting what felt like the man she had actually fallen in love with, letting herself go.

Her heart beats raced upwards as their tongues met, clashing against each other, a tiny moan escaped her as his hand moved down her back, his fingers burning against her skin as they fumbled against the thread of her blouse. It was like little currents were flowing through her at his every touch. She gasped as he pulled at the top string and then the bottom, his hands running over the exposed skin of her back and then on to her shoulder, pushing the pallu off. She leaned back then, letting him trail kisses down her throat, his lips fervent against her skin. She let her fingers run through waves of his soft hair as he sent kisses down her neck, then lower until he reached the top of her blouse and his fingers moved over her soft skin, sending flutters through her as he pulled it off, his fingers tracing a line down her arms.

Stay tonight
Don’t come morning, don’t come light
They may be lies, but say that we’ll be alright
If we stay tonight

She let his ravenous lips travel all over her skin, re-establishing the right that she had only given once before and that too only to him. She clung onto him, her head pressed against his hair as he stood her up, his hands moving down to her waist, to her tucked in pleats, sending sparks through her veins as she clung closer yet again, his tender lips still on her skin. She let her fingers dig into the hard blades of his shoulders as he slowly removed her pleats, his fingers grazing against her skin, soft moans escaping her almost unknowingly. Her breath hitched in her throat as her heart started beating at a rate that even she hadn’t thought possible as her petticoat dropped to the ground and he undressed her completely. Her nails dug deeper into his flesh, as his hands roved over silky skin, exploring every inch of her as he lowered her onto the bed, her body sinking in and she felt senseless with ecstasy.

Arnav didn’t know what he was doing, why he was doing it, all he knew was that tonight he had given up to his senses, his body, he was giving into her. He was giving into what felt right, his intoxication taking over his every sense as he lost himself in her warmth, her fragrance, the love that she was offering, even if it wasn’t true because if he didn’t he knew he would break down sooner rather than later, so he gave in.  He held onto her hips, entering her slowly then began to rock her to his own rhythm, her soft moans like music to his ears and let it numb his pain.

A slow drizzle started outside then, falling at first in little drops, then splattering to the ground in all its glory, drenching leaves and trees in its gait and it poured down deafeningly as the slight slivers of the glowing moon up ahead bathed their intertwined bodies in its light.

Gonna feel it baby
Oh I don’t wanna cry
I know we’ll get to tomorrow and say goodbye
That’s what I’m asking for
Tonight

Stay tonight
Don’t come morning, don’t come light
They may be lies but say that we’ll be alright
Say that we’re gonna be alright
Tonight

And that’s it ;). Tiihihi :P.

The next chapter is the last chapter of the prequel. After that it will return to the present; to two years later. So I think you all know what will happen in the next chapter. But exactly how it will happen, wait and find out ;).

Chapter 23 - Washed Away

Okay so first off, sorry again for the really late update. I just kept on forgetting, I don't even have any other excuse, I just forgot. So sorry about that. In this FF, Anjali's personality is very different. When I started watching IPK this is what I imagined her character to be like; not the dumb idiot that she actually ended up being. For a while I had started to sort of forgive her again until about two weeks ago when I lost even the tiniest little speck of respect I had left for her. As much as I would have liked to write her character in the same way, I just can't fathom a woman to be so stupid. I mean okay she doesn't have a sixth sense but does she have any sense at all? I just asdfghjkl! I just can't bring myself to make someone so blind and stupid.

So this is my version of Anjali; what Arnav deserves. A big sister that would look out for him in the same way he does. He's always stood by her side so when he falls down, she would help him back up again. So here goes :). 

The chapters will be slightly shorter up until the prequel ends, which will be in two chapters ;).



~ You don’t need water to feel like you’re drowning, do you? – Jodi Picoult ~


"Dear God! Najaane wherez theze useless girlz find my nephew from," Manorama jeered as Khushi walked into the kitchen, the sari slightly loose at places, her feet still unsteady, her tears still only a breath away. 

"Mamiji please," Anjali requested as she ushered Khushi in, her arm around her. She felt bad for the poor girl, there was something clearly wrong and she desperately needed to get down to the depths of it. She didn't know Khushi but Arnav did and he loved her, she knew that much. But their marriage had been conducted too hastily, she knew that her brother had a stubbornness that over-shadowed everything else and yet this was still very unlike him. There was something severely wrong. 
Anjali was lost in her own distant thoughts when she nearly jumped out of her skin as Khushi suddenly yelped in pain.

Khushi had been too lost in her own inner turmoil when she had finally felt the pain, she appraised it's agony, the tears blurring her view of the raw bruise.

"Khushiji Khushiji!" Anjali shook her by the shoulders as she refused to respond. "Khushiji you're hurt!" She exclaimed almost dragging her towards the tap and opening the cold water onto her hand, whilst Khushi stood frozen, almost as if all of her senses had fallen numb. "Khushiji? Are you okay?" She tried again. Yet again gaining no response from Khushi she called out to the only person she thought could help, "Chotey! Chotey!" she screamed.

Arnav ran down the stairs, panic rising up his throat. What could be wrong now, was Di okay? "Di what's..." He stopped mid-sentence on seeing Khushi rooted to the spot, her eyes distant, tears dripping down her face, onto her sari and blouse and his heart went out to her, tearing apart once again in a way that he had never been able to control. 

Anjali took in the shocked, crestfallen expression that took a hold of Arnavs face almost immediately, his concern speaking volumes. It was obvious that her brother loved this girl, she had only ever seen such concern in him towards her and now seeing that same emotion etched over his face towards Khushi, she was absolutely certain of his love for her. Then what could be this wrong? "Chotey? I don't think Khushi has eaten anything since yesterday. Can you take her upstairs please? I'll send some food up," she spoke softly, taking her brothers arm and moving him towards Khushi, at which point Nani also walked in. 

Rage flashed through Nanis face as she took in the scene before her. "What the hell is going on here?!" She bellowed as three heads turned towards her leaving the other still distant and frozen to the spot. Nani appraised Khushis state for a second, taking in the shaken form of the young girl and she felt her anger bubble beyond control. "What is this Chotey?!" She questioned, walking towards him. "What have you done now? Do you even have any idea of your actions at times?!" She continued as he glared furiously back at her. 

"Nani, it's okay just give it time," Anjali intervened but to no avail.

"No Anjali bitiya! It is not okay!" Nani screamed looking at both Anjali and Arnav in turn. "First he decides to marry that good for nothing Lavanya Kashyap and then breaking off from that marriage he goes off and marries this poor girl," she continued, her gaze now fixed on Arnav as he glowered back. "He doesn't consider any of the consequences, doesn't consider what he's putting her through, what he's putting her family through, what he's putting us through," she continued. 

"Nani enough!" He yelled suddenly through gritted teeth as Nanis eyes flashed in anger towards him. Then running his arm around Khushi, needing to avoid Nani altogether, he began to walk her towards the stairs. Khushi turned her head towards him, snapping out of her reverie as his warmth engulfed her but he did not look at her and the taunt muscles of his face told her that nothing had changed. She continued to watch his features for something, anything towards her as she blindly followed him into the room and felt her heart sink once more. He had misunderstood and it looked like he wouldn't give her a chance to explain either. 

Shutting the door behind him he flung her away from him, his eyes boring into her pained hazel orbs. She gulped, unable to digest his furious expression as his darkened caramel orbs burned with rage. "Hasn't your drama finished yet?!" He screamed, "is it necessary to make a fucking scene?!"

She stared at him dumbfounded for a second, "but Arnav," she finally managed to mumble. 

"But what Khushi?!" He bellowed, taking a threatening step towards her as her feet automatically moved away from him. He grabbed her by the elbow, pulling her closer, his hot breath on her face as he glared down at her seething with anger. "Your drama hasn't finished yet?" He questioned as her eyes widened in shock, "do you have more lies to feed to me?"

"A.. Arnav," she stuttered, "I'm not acting," she spoke almost unable to understand that he would misunderstand her to this extent. "You've misunderstood me, you don't know the truth yet. Just please let me..."

"Please let you explain?! Right? Explain? Yeah right Khushi! So that you can make up a few more stories?" He fumed, his fingers digging into the flesh of her arm. 

"Arnav you're hurting me," she mumbled through the tears, attempting to break away from his grip, her eyes pleading for him to understand her, to trust her. 

"I'm hurting you?!" He exclaimed, pulling her closer, till their faces were only inches away, his jaw set with anger. "What about how much you're hurting me? How much you always have?"

"Arnav I can explain, if you'd just listen to me. Please," her voice was hoarse, quiet but he pushed her away to turn away from her this time. 

"I don't want to hear it Khushi! Whatever you have to say I don't want to hear it!"

****

"Hello? Where are you? Aren't you coming home?" Anjali questioned. There had been something off with her husband lately, sometimes he didn't come home and sometimes he just disappeared suddenly. She had asked Arnavs manager Aman to hire a private detective to get to the bottom of it but nothing had been found as of yet. 

"Arrey Rani Sahiba, I just had a few things to finish off at the office. I fell asleep here. I have a client to meet tonight in Mumbai so I won't be able to see you for a couple of days," he quickly spoke, forming his words quickly. 

"But, you didn't even," she began, only for him to cut her off.

"I know Rani Sahiba but I myself only found out this morning itself. Okay I have to go now, I'll keep in touch," and with that he cut off the phone. 

****

She lay on her side, silently sobbing. She still couldn’t understand why Arnav wouldn’t let her explain, he had never acted like this before. Even when they had been together all those years ago, he had always been reasonable. And now yes it was years later, yes the world had changed him, maybe her actions had too, but she deserved a chance to explain her side of the story. Only the day before they had been fine, she had been happy, so had he and within a couple of hours everything had been shredded to pieces. She didn’t even know if Shyam was still alive and if she was being honest to herself she couldn’t care less for that hideous man. She had been so happy yesterday, thought that their life that had been at a standstill for so many years would get back on track. She tucked in her legs suddenly, then attempted to still herself as she heard him enter the room. She needed to explain things to him, make him see reality.

Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do I’ll still feel you here ‘til the moment I’m gone.

You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.

Arnav closed the door behind him, holding onto the handles and leaning against it for a few seconds with his eyes shut. He had spoken to Aman, he didn’t want Shyam anywhere near the house. And di, he’d explain to her later, he couldn’t tell her that her husband was a lying cheat just yet. But he knew one thing for sure, he would never let Khushi and Shyam be together. If she had told him, asked him, he would have happily let her go. His happiness always lay in her happiness but now it was too late and she had chosen the wrong man. She was no longer the Khushi he loved so much. She was a home-recker, a cheat, a liar.

Set me free, leave me be. I don’t want to fall another moment in your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way way I’m supposed to be.
But you’re on to me and all over me.

You loved me ‘cause I’m fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.

He moved away from the door, his eyes falling onto Khushi almost immediately and he couldn’t help but want to comfort her, his yearning for her still too strong. His love for her had always weakened his every resolution and it was threatening to the same yet again. He leaned over on the bed, his limbs moving of their own accord as he pulled the blanket around her higher, suddenly dropping the fabric he moved back, shocked at his own behaviour. What was he doing? He couldn’t! He had to hate her! She wouldn’t think twice before playing with his heart for another man, so why couldn’t he hate her damn it!

I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you’re everything I think I need here on the ground.
But you’re neither friend nor foe though I can’t seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you’re keeping down
You’re on to me, on to me, and all over...
Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.

He’d had enough, the Arnav within him would have to die, make way for the ASR because there was no place in this world for Arnav, he wouldn’t be allowed to be vulnerable!

Lyrics credit: Gravity by Sara Bareilles